


Talking to the Stars

by Kaiissoft



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Letters, M/M, idk I’m tired bye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 07:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18310553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiissoft/pseuds/Kaiissoft
Summary: “I held the stars in my arms when I held you.”





	1. Brighter

 

> _I told the stars about you. . ._

 

The first day we met, the sky was lilac as it cried blue. I noticed you were outside in the rain, holding your school bag tightly around your chest. I didn’t know why you were crazy enough to stand in the rain, but perhaps I was even crazier to go and stand next to you. Honey lit eyes looked at me with a puzzled expression, but I said nothing and placed my umbrella In between the two of us. I made sure it covered you, even if a little bit of water splattered onto me. You didn’t say anything and continued looking out into the street where cars passed by, picking up students to drive back home in the rain. Curiosity took over me, and the silence—despite the rain—was enough for me to stir a conversation. 

 

“Who are you waiting for?” I had asked. You looked at me for the second time. This time you looked at me long enough to notice your features: a small nose, red at the tip, honey dipped irises and pale skin. 

 

But you looked away sooner than I had hoped. “My sister,” you said quietly. 

 

“You could have waited inside,” I told. “You wouldn’t be all wet.” 

 

“It’s fine,” You said this louder this time, still not making eye contact with me. “She’ll be here soon anyways.”

 

”Do you have somewhere important to be?” I questioned. 

 

You didn’t answer straight away. It took a few moments and I wondered if you even heard em. But finally, you answered. “Something like that.” 

 

I nodded, not really sure what to say. Moments had passed, cars passed by and I was wondering what has been taking your sister so long if it seemed so important for you to stand in the rain. “What’s your name by the way?” 

Again, you seemed to think about your answer. “. . . Kai.” 

 

 _What a cute name._  

 

“My name’s Soobin.” 

 

You nodded but didn’t say anything else. I probably made you uncomfortable with all my questions, but I didn’t care. It was like gravity pulling me towards you. I couldn’t help it. 

 

A few more minutes passed by rather quickly, and suddenly a car pulled in in front of us. In the car I could barely see a young girl, perhaps a few years older than you were. You then walked over to the car. My instincts to follow you were cut short as you walked rather fast to the car. After you went inside, i thought you would have closed the door and left without any word. But to my disbelief, you looked me in the eyes for a moment before saying, “Thank you, for trying to keep me dry.”

 

I didn’t answer back as you quickly shut the door. I watched as you sped by, blending in with the other cars. 

 

The next few days I attempted to befriend you. I rarely noticed you at lunch, but after school you were always waiting on the sidewalk for you sister. Rain or shine you always stood there, waiting until she arrived. I always came up to you. As days passed I learned a lot about you. I learned that your favorite colors are green and black, your favorite animals are dolphins and penguins. I found it rather cute how you always seemed to get rather shy talking about the things you liked. But what I found interesting was that you loved music. I had asked why you weren’t in the choir like I was, but you shrugged it off and said you weren’t anything good.

 

It was hard at first, but slowly you let me into you’re life. You invited me to your home where we played video games and talked about random stuff. I met your sisters and you’re parents. They were nice and for once I felt like I belonged in a family. When you asked about mine, I shrugged it off and said it would be better if you didn’t meet my family. That visiting my house would just make you want to leave right away. 

 

So instead, every day after school, your sister picked both of us up. She’d drive us back to your house. I noticed how much you love energy music the way you decorated your walls with posters of artists you love. You bookshelf was filled with CD’s and vinyl records. On rainy days we listened to music and talked about nothing and everything all at the same time. I loved seeing the way your eyes sparkled when you talked about music. You told me your favorite song was a Bruno Mars song.  _Talking To The Moon_ I think it was called. Ever since you showed it to me, I couldn’t stop listening to it thinking about you. And it was then my new favorite song. 

 

As we grew closer, you began asking questions about me. What was my family like or what interests I was into. I told you the bare minimum. I liked dogs, I liked music, the usual. Talking about my family life of course, was something I never really liked to talk about. Not because I didn’t trust you, but because I didn’t want you to look at me any differently. It would be hard for someone with such an amazing family understand what a family like mine is like. And I wouldn’t want you going crazy trying to. 

 

One day I asked you to sing for me. It was late at night and we were at the park. The sky had already turned black and we both knew how late it was. We sat on the swings, kicking our feet on the ground. “My voice sounds horrible.” 

 

“Even if it does, I’m sure it would still somehow end up sounding beautiful.” 

 

You shook your head, not making eye contact with me. “Besides, I haven’t been practicing singing. Even if I sounded decent, it wouldn’t be as perfect as I would want it to.” 

 

I rolled my eyes. “Kai, I know you’ll sound perfect. Just sing a little bit. Please?” I brought my swing closer to yours, my body bumping into yours so you could look at me. I gave you puppy eyes, hoping you’d look into them. I noticed the way you smiled as you laughed, trying to not look and get into my evil trap. 

 

I laughed, still pleading to hear the sound of your voice as you sing. Finally, you gave up. “Okay, fine! I’ll sing for you!” 

 

I cheered, bringing my arms up in victory. You laughed, rolling your eyes. “But tomorrow though. It’s  getting late and I’m sure my parents are probably worried.” 

 

I sighed. “You’re right. But you gotta promise me you’ll sing for me tomorrow, okay?” 

 

You smiled, looking me into the eyes the first time that night. “I promise.”

 

You walked home by yourself that night, despite me saying I could walk you back home. I knew the route back to your house was dangerous. You had to walk through the forest, a big one, bigger than the whole city in fact. One wrong turn and you’d be lost. But you insisted, saying that my parents were probably worried, too and that you knew the way back. 

 

My route back home was only a couple blocks up the street. I didn’t want you walking back home alone that night but I let you anyways. 

 

But God, I was stupid enough to actually let you go. 

 

The last moment I saw you, you smiled at me, promising for the final time that you’d sing for me. And then I went home, and you. God, I wish you did, too. 

 

But the next morning, I woke up and I didn’t receive any texts from you like I usually did most mornings. And when I went to school the next day, you weren’t there. And when I went to wait outside on the sidewalk, you weren’t standing there waiting for me. I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. So when I went to your house, my heart dropped seeing police cars parked in front of it. 

 

When I ran to your sister after I spotted her outside talking to a police man, I must have sounded crazy. My heart was beating so fast and I swear I’ve never asked anything so fast. “What’s happening? Where’s Kai?” 

 

She looked at me, the same eyes you have. “Soobin. . . You were with Kai last night?” 

 

I shook my head yes, feeling my body go numb. “W-What happened? Why wasn’t he at school today? Why is there cop cars?” 

 

She he looked at me sympathetically, almost on the verge of tears herself. “H-he didn’t make it home last night. We don’t know where he is.” 

 

“What?” I asked in disbelief, a sudden guilt washing over me. “H-he, look in the forest! That’s the way he went back home, it was a shorter route.”

 

”We should go tell the police that. We need to start looking for him, I’m scared.” 

 

I was scared, too. The guilt was flooding through me. I knew I should have walked you back home. Perhaps we would have found you sooner.

 

I got questioned multiple times, seeing as i was the last person to be with you. We searched the forest for what seemed like days. I knew you had your bag with you. I also knew it still had your lunch in there that you hadn’t eaten that day,  so I knew that even just a few days you still had some way of living. 

 

But after days passed, my hope soon started to fade. But after weeks, God, my heart stopped beating with you. 

 

Even when the world gave up on you, I still searched the forest for you. I left food Incase you found your way back. I also left a blanket so you wouldn’t be so cold. But my luck ran low when we found you.

 

The day we found you, my heart shattered. I couldn’t stop crying and I felt numb. I would have been happy to find you, but I wasn’t. They wouldn’t let me see you, and I think that was the best option. 

 

Because seeing a dead body of someone once living isn’t something I wanted to see. 

 

I remember going to your house and watching your mother collapse. Your father was streaming a river and your sisters were crying so hard I couldn’t bare the sound. It hurt to see your family in pain. But it hurt worse to know that my heart shattered along with theirs. 

 

It it was hard to bare, but after a few days the whole town knew about it. They knew you were gone. And so the day of your funeral, so many people came. They gave you roses, love, something they never gave you in the first place. 

 

I didn’t want to see you. I couldn’t. Not after leaving you. Not after that. No.

 

When the funeral ended, your sister handed me something. It was your notebook, the one you used to write song lyrics in. I was confused at first, guilty the next. I didn’t understand why she was giving this to me, but she told me he wrote to me every day he had gone missing. Wrote to me till his final breath. I thanked her, apologized and went back home where it lied empty. 

 

Everyday I listened to your favorite song. Now ours. 

 

Everyday i looked at that notebook, but didn’t dare to touch it. I couldn’t. 

 

Perhaps you were mad at me. That I shouldn’t have not listened to you and walked you home. Or perhaps you weren’t, and you wrote about all the fun times we had together. Even that I wouldn’t be able to read. 

 

But months passed and dust began to lie on it. I visit your family every weekend to make sure they are okay. I try to visit you, but I couldn’t. God, I wish I could. 

 

School was never the same anymore. I always expect for you to be waiting for me at the sidewalk, but you’re never there. 

 

And God it hurts. 

 

I missed you. And i missed you enough to finally open your notebook. The first few pages were filled with random words of thought, song lyrics. But a few pages in, it became hard to bare. My tears stained the pages as I read every letter of your thoughts. 

 

Your first letter started on 10/23, the day after you went missing. You addressed me, saying you were dumb to take the wrong direction back home. You joked about it but said this was your way of coping. 

 

But you’d come back home soon. 

 

Your last letter ended on 10/28. Five days after your first and 2 week before we found you.

 

It was hard to read that last letter. It took me weeks to give in and read it. But once I did, you began it with 

_I told the stars about you. And trust me when I say they seemed brighter when I mentioned you._

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You were never mine to lose, but I lost you all the same.”

_10.23_

_soobin,_

 

_I know you were worried about me walking home by myself, and I’m sorry i didn’t listen to you. I’m writing this because it’s been a day since I got lost and it’s the only thing keeping me sane._

 

_But don’t worry about me._

 

_If I somehow wonder back home, or you find me, I’ll show you this and we’ll laugh about how stupid I am. I accidentally took a wrong turn and before I knew I did, I was already too deep into the forest._

 

_But hopefully in a few hours you’ll come find me. I still have some food and water, so I know I’ll survive until then._

 

_See you soon,_

 

_Kai._

 

* * *

 

_10.24_

 

_Soobin,_

 

_you haven’t found me yet, and I haven’t wondered back home. I’ve been trying to retrack my steps, but everything looks so similar. The forest is so big I start to wonder what else lies beneath it._

 

_I don’t know how I survived the last couple nights. You know I hate sleeping alone. It was cold. So cold. There were a lot of noises, crunching of leaves. I had hoped it was you, but I knew it was probably some animal waiting to eat me._

 

_But they didn’t._

 

_I only have some crackers left and only half a water bottle. But soon I’ll see you. I’ll see my family, too._

 

_I can’t wait._

 

* * *

 

_10.25_

 

_Soobin,_

 

_To be completely honest, I’m scared._

 

_I’ve already eaten all the food I’ve had. The waters gone, and I have trouble falling asleep._

 

_Im scared I’ll get eaten alive while I sleep. I’m scared that I’ll starve to death by the time you find me. But i’m Also scared that you won’t find me._

 

_You’re looking for me, right?_

 

_But I’ll stay positive. I know you’ll find me. Don’t get lost looking for me. Don’t make the same mistake I did._

 

_When you do find me, can we just listen to music? I know I promised you I’d sing for you, but once I rest and eat I promise I’ll sing for you. In fact, I’ve been writing a song for you. I hope you like it._

 

_but don’t worry about me being scared, okay?_

_I’ll be strong, for you._

 

_always._

 

_no matter how long it takes._

* * *

_10.26_

 

_soobin,_

 

_i don’t know why you haven’t found me yet. Or why I haven’t found my way back home._

 

_I don’t want to think about it. I know you’re looking for me. I know you’re worried about me._

 

_How are my parents? My sisters? Please tell them everything will be okay._

 

_I’m so tired. So thirsty, hungry._

 

_Please find me soon._

 

* * *

 

_10.27_

 

_soobin,_

 

_i woke up today and guess what? There was a bunny! It was right beside me, nibbling on some leaves and grass._

 

_It it reminded me of you._

 

_i actually started crying seeing the bunny because I miss you so much._

 

_I know it sounds weird, but I enjoy being with you. No one has ever shown interest in me. You make me feel at home. You make me feel so loved and I don’t even think you do it on purpose._

 

_I really wanna hug you right now. I like hearing your heartbeat everytime my head hits your chest._

 

_I miss you._

 

* * *

 

_10.28_

 

_I told the stars about you._

 

_And trust me when I say they seemed brighter when I mentioned you._

 

_It’s so dark. The sky is littered with stars and the only thing I could think about is you. The moon is so bright though. So bright._

 

_You know how I promised you I’d sing for you? Well, I’m singing for you right now. The song I wrote for you._

_i know you wanna hear it in person, and you will._

 

_i’ll Sing for you tomorrow, okay?_

 

_promise._

 


End file.
